New Jersey Drivin

So, I used to live in Jersey. Yes, I was for a time, a Jersey girl. It didn't last long. I was young. I was foolish.

When you live in the state, weird things make sense to you: the "jug handles", the "no left hand turns", even the slow slow driving in the rain.

Maybe you know what I'm talking about. Maybe you've never had the pleasure of drivin' through the drrty. Let me catch you up to speed.

In Jersey there is a severe lack of left hand turns. In order to turn left, one has to go right. Sometimes its a little thing called a jug handle, sometimes it takes you on a detour through suburban sprawl that leaves you wondering how anyone gets to work on time.

Most everyone else calls it crazy.

If you ever drive through the state in a rain storm (and by rain storm I mean "rain showers") you will notice something unique. Everyone, and I mean every one, slows down to a crawl.

"It's just water," I yell time and again, but still they have slowed to a 30 mile per hour crawl down the inter state.

Live here a while, though, and it all starts to make sense.

My girlfriend's theory is it's in the water. You drink enough of the water, you begin to understand the civil engineering of the armpit of america.

It's a nice theory, unless you drink bottled water.

No, my friends, drive in Jersey long enough and you too will begin to understand why there are no left hand turns.

If you are from the New York/New England area, or indeed any other state you can't possibly come up with a good explanation of these automotive oddities.

The explanation, however, is so simple it hurts.

Stupidity.

We can't fathom it because, well it is outside our experience. People so stupid they can't be trusted to make a left hand turn? Impossible.

Oh, but it is possible, my friends. It is possible, and it exists. Drivers every where are unique. In Boston they have a death wish, they wish to die. In New York City they have a death wish, they wish for you to die. In DC they just like driving in perpetual circles, it keeps them from being driven in circles by the government. In Jersey, my friends, they just cannot be trusted to make that left hand turn.

And the rain, you say? Ahh, the rain.

If you ever find yourself on a major highway in a rain storm surrounded by these scary stupid drivers, you will find yourself slowing to a crawl, too.

Bashing New Jersey is not the purpose of this post, though (Yes, it actually is.) The real purpose is to let you all know, that we have made the trip down to the shore and back. Safe and sound.

It's going to be a long lonely summer, but we have begun the trip that is life. And we will find out where it leads.